This is not a request for porn. I MEAN IT.

Should I be worried that my 4 year old daughter can tell that I am wearing lipstick, simply from its scent, when I lean over her head from behind to brush her hair?

"Ooh! Mommy! You're wearing lipstick! Can I have some, too?!?"

And then Patrick inquires, with a puzzled look on his face,

"You're wearing lipstick? What's with all the make up lately?"

And by "All the makeup lately" he means that I have washed my face every day and applied a bare minimum to cover any pimples or paleness before the little boy I babysit arrives around 1:30.

Which is more concerning? The amazing make-up sensing abilities of Corinne, or the fact that a little glossy lipstick and blush causes Patrick to be alarmed? I'm sure he was picturing me primping and preening for some random guy (I DO get a lot of UPS deliveries for reviews...) and the words "lipstick" and "showered" *falling in 2 consecutive days caused a few red flags to go up. I should be flattered, right? Because this is how I look on my "made-up days" at home:


I KNOW. The hotness is frying the circuits on MY computer, TOO! Sorry bout that.

Also? When trying to take a picture of yourself? It is advisable that you stop after 1 or 2. Otherwise, THIS is what tends to occur as a result...

What? It's just me? I'm the oooonly one who does this? As if. Come on. FESS UP. Show me your weirdest pics. (But this? This is not a request for nakey nakey shots. Those? Those you can send to my email). ***

*By showered 2 consecutive days, I mean that I managed to wipe the necessary parts of my body with a wet washcloth on one of those days.**

**Don't judge me.

*** please don't send them to my email.

Though, I WAS tired of dancing, Elton John was not.

Shit. I had no idea! I was wrong, wrong, wrong. For years and years, countless loved ones had to endure its oblivious massacre at my hands, and I APOLOGIZE.

Dear loved ones? Do you hear me? I apologize.

Because, apparently, it's not "Hold me close, I'm tired of dancing..."


Who knew?!?

That's it. 1:48 am and I'm posting my faulty lyric skills?

Peace out.

Peee-youuuu

There isn't any other way to wake up than to the sweet cuddles and kisses of your 4 year old daughter. She stroked my face and kissed my eyebrows and I sighed happily and gave her a kiss back. She snuggled down onto my shoulder and squeezed me tightly. And then, ever so softly, and with the kindest of voices, she whispered this advice to me:

"Hey Mommy? When you wake up and get out of bed? You should get right into the shower, ok?"

Ahem.

Nothing like sweetly being told you STINK by your preschooler at 7 am...

I don't think I've ever laughed so hard. Especially since, well... she was right!
Have a good weekend. Be sure to bathe often.

When I get down, I bake a pie. And eat the #$@% out of it...

Yes. That is a heart on top of an apple pie. Yes. I peeled every apple, sliced them with Justin, made the crust myself and baked it until the house smelled divine. Yes. It tastes AWESOME. And yes; it certainly helped me feel a little better...

I'm happy to say that I was busy today. Too busy to be depressed. Busy taking care of a little boy who will be here for 2 hours a day while his parents are between shifts. I think that this little bit of money and little bit of routine will be really good for me (and the family). I'm hoping, at least. Plus, he's only one year old! There's nothing sweeter than a baby that age. It should be just enough baby time in the house to get rid of any baby longings I may be having. Not that I'm having any. At all. But, well. You know.

(Ok, ok. A TINY BIT OF ME wants another baby. Probably the tiny bit that will ALWAYS want another baby. But that tiny little bit will just have to suck it up and get over itself because we are DONE.)

So, a little extra cash for food and a little extra time playing with a cute little baby. Sounds like a good deal...
~~~~

Hey, if anyone knows who the idiot is who stole the front of my cd player out of my van, please pass along my congratulations on being an IDIOT because they didn't take ALL of the stereo, just the facing. Which sucks for me because I can't play any music or tell what time it is. But it sucks for the thief as well because they can't EITHER. Also, thanks for picking on the family that can barely afford FOOD. I certainly hope you didn't steal from us to pay for an operation or something because you won't get ANY MONEY for simply the facing, you IDIOT.

It's pretty pathetic to be a criminal. But it's downright embarrassing to be a STUPID ONE.
~~~

Don't forget to enter to win my Bonefish Grill giveaway and BeiBambini baby clothes giveaway! I'll pick the winners after 12 noon on Friday and anounce ASAP. Good luck to all!

My apologies

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I'm not what you expected.
I'm sorry my emotions don't fit with your plans.
I'm sorry I can't make-believe all the time...
I'm sorry I expect too much
too quickly
too often...
I'm sorry my heart can't be tucked away
underneath unpaid bills and ragged movie stubs...
That my corners aren't neat and sweet...
That my font is blurry,
that my ink is low...

Because
Sometimes?
Sometimes life is twisty and curvy and filled with dotted lines.
Sometimes my heart is conflicted and bleeding and held together
with scotch tape and coffee breaks.
Sometimes the solution isn't black and white.

When did Life become a freakin Connect-the-Dot puzzle?
And when did it become so hard to remember what number is next?

Do you ever find yourself living a stage of your life
that you know will be a period you repeatedly reflect upon
when your gray hairs outnumber the brown?
Do you ever fear that you will harbor regrets
over chances not taken
and dreams not followed?

Do you ever stare at the silhouettes
cast upon your curtains
and see the faces of those you love?
Do you see them wondering why you wonder?
Why you evaluate and contemplate?
Do you see them wondering why this can't be enough for you?


You know what? I hesitate to post this. I hesitate because I wonder at the response. I hesitate because, though I want this for myself and my own memories, so that I don't forget or sugar-coat different periods in my life, I know that people will think what they want about what I write. And right now? I don't know that I want to hear it. My therapy is my blog. My writing may not be brilliant, unique or even moderately good, but it's MINE. And I need it. And it's REAL.

And so I hit publish.

Drinking Shiraz with a Walrus...

Oh how I long for less and more and less and more...

Less...

stress
responsibilities
debt
confusion
gray hair
booty


More...

freedom
time
sleep
money
gratitude
peace
boobs

Feeling especially low right now. Why? Everyone is home. We've eaten. I even have a glass of wine (though it's red instead of white which is fine and I'm not complaining but, well. It's red.) (But thank you honey! It's the thought that counts!) My family's in the other room and I want to go be with them but I don't want anyone to ask me to do anything or find anything or wipe/switch/fix anything. I just want. To. Be. Still.

I finished a painting for my mom today. It's small and I'm sure she'll appreciate it and the effort it took but when I stepped back and evaluated it, all I could see were the colors that weren't rich enough, shapes that weren't sharp enough, and the way it looks as though a 12 year old did it. Which would be fine if that were my intention which, sadly, it was not. So. Merry Christmas, eh? So much for making gifts and trying to use what I have available to let people know I love and appreciate them, even though I can't purchase anything for them.

Damn. So much for following my desire to be grateful for what I've got, eh? This usually happens to me. I think I post overtly grateful, "I'm gonna make the best of this situation", Suzy Sunshine posts when I'm on the verge of crashing into a pit of self-pity. I do believe it's my last-ditch attempt to pull myself away from the pathetic mess that I can sense is on the horizon.

I am he is you are he is you are me and we are all together...


Yeah. That about sums up my brain and is playing on Across the Universe in the other room. I best go watch it with my family and try to force this low the hell out of my head....

You know you've been blogging a long time when you go to put in a title and it's already been used... more than once.

There's nothing quite like a children's party. Especially once your kids have grown to the point that you no longer have to scan every square inch for choking hazards and electrical outlets. When the offspring can disappear into the rooms of a friend's home the moment you arrive and you aren't TERRIBLY concerned that they'll do more damage to themselves than they might to the house? When you can crack open a wine cooler or beer and know that no one's going to look funny at the mommy drinking booze while rocking a baby? Ahhh... It's heavenly. There definitely are a FEW advantages to this whole "older kid" parenting gig.
It's amazing to me that so many little boys with light sabers, ninja swords and Nerf guns can play for more than 8 hours straight without any permanent injuries to themselves or the battlefield filled with glasses of pop and plates of chocolate cake. Thankfully, yesterday's birthday party/Halloween party at our friend's home went off without a hitch. Though every child was amply sugared up (can we say birthday cake AND Halloween candy sloshing around in a belly full of Sprite and Coke?), no one had a melt down that sticks out in my head which means that no one had a melt down at all. Cool how memory works like that, eh?


Hmmmm. I forgot to post this yesterday! Oops. Don't forget I that I have 2 giveaways on my Review blog! Free food and free baby clothes!

T Minus 56 days and counting...

How is it that Halloween is like, TOMORROW?

Wow. This month has flown by.

Which means (choking on my stolen Snickers bar) that Christmas is 56 days away.

(inhaled the nougat filling over that...) I need a drink.

Trying to shake off the millions of fears that I have for this winter and focus on today. Trying to focus on Now.

Now, which involves my kids having a sleep-out on the family room floor, watching Pokemon together after another decent day of homeschool. Listening to them hang out. Remembering the hour-long "monster" game they played that had all 3 of them laughing hysterically. Wiping the happy wetness from my cheeks over the love I have for everyone under this roof.

Now, meaning the fairly full pantry and fridge. The rare treat of bacon for breakfast (thank you Papa) which made all of their eyes light up in anticipation.

Now, because everyone I love is healthy and here. We have a roof over our heads and clothes on our backs. This won't be the best holiday season because of gifts received, but hopefully? Hopefully it will be the best holiday season because of the gratitude we can find for the blessings we DO have.

I'll still be stressed. I'll still cry every day over things I cannot control. But my goal is to focus on the things that ARE within my control. My goal is to stay above the depression that never fails to accompany the retreat of the sunshine from our state. My goal is to LIVE my life TODAY instead of desperately attempting to insure that tomorrow will be better...

~~~~

Hope your Halloween is fun and safe! Hope OURS isn't as rainy as I think it will be!!